Brian's Journey

During childhood, the “brian-character” (also referred to here as “the beingness,” “brian-form,” “b-thing,” “b-form,” or “it”) grew up in a traditional Christian family, went to a Christian school, and experienced the typical circumstances of such an upbringing. It was exposed to various teachings of Jesus, but these were not taught in a way that inspired belief by the brian-form. Eventually the b-thing dropped out of the Christian tradition in hopes of finding something that could be experienced directly, and with which it resonated. Initially, this led to explorations in the psychic realm.

The beingness had numerous out-of-body, hands-on-healing, and other spiritual experiences, but all of these provided only a temporary happiness and distraction. The most that remained was only the memory of an experience that was no longer occurring. In addition, when suffering triggered the breaking of faith, and the entry of doubt, even the memory of these experiences of the past would fade into insignificance, or even doubt that they had actually occurred at all. At this point, the b-thing decided to leave this never-ending path of occasional experiences of happiness arising temporarily from varying spiritual and psychic experiences, to look for something that was permanent.

This new intention led to the study of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality, which then led to the path of enlightenment. The brian-character walked the path blindly in order to observe how the process unfolded, when there were fewer expectations than might arise from a detailed study of spiritual writings. The b-thing’s main practices were introspection (to get to the root of the I-thought, or ego), meditation, emotional clearing, loving others unconditionally, and being considerate and compassionate to all life.. The meditation practice occurred both while sitting still, and while walking. Following this path, the beingness hoped to realize the Self.

Initially, the b-thing’s ego was very intrigued with the path and became obsessed with it. This eventually matured into a more “passive” quest, with no attention on the outcome, or spiritual goals. By that point, the b-thing’s identity dissolved to a degree, and the Self shone forth. This is the first stage, wherein the beingness loses a small percentage of egoity (which is the illusion of separateness), and the Universal Truth stands revealed, as if the clouds in the sky had parted and the sun is seen to shine without obstruction. This stage, even though properly denoted as “enlightenment,” is best understood as an initial glimpse of the Self, rather than the full awareness of the Self.

The beingness now realized that it was the Aware Mind of the Self, rather than the thinking mind of egoity. As the path continued, and this recognition progressed, there arose an increasing awareness of identity with the nonform essence of all things. This eventually culminated in a powerful experiential awareness of Being the Self, as the nonform nature of all existence. This realization allowed the b-thing to have a fuller understanding of Essence, which facilitated further and deeper experiences of the Self.



Eventually, a being that walks the path of enlightenment realizes that one is Allness (all of Creation or expressions of form), as well as Nothingness (nonform, or the unchanging substrate of Everything That Is). However, this Universal Mind recognition is not the Ultimate Truth of Reality, about which Buddha and Jesus spoke.

The final stages of the path to full Self-realization are when the Allness and Nothingness paths are integrated, (the “Middle Way”), and then finally dissolve into each other. As this stage occurred, the brian-character realized that form and nonform were One and the Same. This is incomprehensible to the normal egoic, thinking mind, which can only see “two different things” or a “polarity of extremes.” The ego cannot understand Oneness. However, the awareness at this stage that form and nonform occupy the same “space” (so to speak), is not the Real Oneness.

Eventually, when the polarity of form and nonform have been seen experientially as One, this polarity dissolves because of the experience of full absorption into the One. At that point, not only are form and nonform forgotten, but the One dissolves as well. At this stage, all concepts dissolve, so that the mind cannot comprehend “oneness” or “two-ness.” When the mind is “no longer there” to grasp the concept of multiplicity, then it is also no longer available to grasp the concept of singularity either.

At this stage of enlightenment, one is beyond “being one with the Universe.” One just IS the Universe. Is this then the Ultimate Truth of the Self? This is not it either, though this is definitely a profound stage of enlightenment. However, it is not liberation. This is not liberation because the “witnesser” still remains. The witnesser is a remaining expression of egoity that is experiencing or witnessing what one IS, rather than simply Being It.

The final aspect of this stage of the enlightenment process is known as liberation or “sahaja samadhi.” This is also not the culmination of enlightenment, since no matter how far one develops on this path, they are not fully experiencing the Absolute Reality of the Supreme. At this stage, the witnesser also dissolves, and the beingness is no longer a witnesser or experiencer. This is the True Nondual Reality. This is beyond form (Allness) and formlessness (Nothingness), existence and non-existence, experience and non-experience. This stage is best described as “Beyond.” However, there is no “one” to have gone beyond. When the witnesser dissolves, there is no “one” to claim to “be” anything, including enlightened or not.

Most people who claim to be enlightened are going through the witnessing stages. True Enlightenment cannot be spoken about since it is indescribable, beyond experience, and beyond anything that can be indicated. At that Stage of Being, there is no one left to report anything, because there is no one remaining to whom anything occurred. No one remains to express anything, nor is there any reason for expression.

How does one live after True Enlightenment? After Enlightenment, what unfolds is partially due to one’s past karma. This is referred to as “prarabda” karma, meaning aspects of karma that have already begun to come into expression through that beingness. This karma influences the path and interactions of the being that is still functioning in this realm. Beyond this, without ego to exert choice and control over the expressions of the beingness, actions arise by the grace of the Divine Power, which is the unhindered Presence of the Self. At this point, no “personal will” remains while on the path. There is no individuality deciding to walk from one point to another, take a shower, eat food, talk or interact with others. These actions still occur, but without the presence of a “chooser”, witnesser or experiencer. The perceptual faculties remain, but the sense of a witnesser experiencing the objects of the senses has been deleted.

To an ego, non-experiencing may sound like an undesirable way of living, since this state is described by those who Know as being Beyond pain or pleasure. However, this is more semantics than Truth. It is true that there is “no one home” to claim enlightenment, and that the experiencer has dissolved. While the true nature of this state cannot be expressed, it can genuinely be said that what remains is a blissful, happy, and peaceful experience of Being, which far outshines the experience of witnessing Being. Witnessing requires that there remains someone to step back from being “happy” in order to observe, compare, and report on what is arising. All of this unnecessary process of thought, however subtle and purified, takes one out of Being Purity, Fullness, Emptiness, and Freedom. Thus, Being the experience is preferable to witnessing the experience, since witnessing separates the experiencer from what is experienced.

Nothing can describe what the unobstructed Self Is, since It is beyond the barrier of duality. However, for the sake of those beings that are experiencing from the dualistic frame, and wish to comprehend something about this, let us simply say that It is the happiest, most blissful, peaceful, and loving State that one can experience or Be.

Book About Basics of Enlightenment

Ego Identity Crisis

Handbook for the beginner on the path of enlightenment, as well as the advanced have benefitted from.




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Student Observations

• Terry Goss

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